Did you know that there is such a thing as "Post Weaning Depression?" I didn't either...but I have it. Let me just start by telling you...it SUCKS. I've always prided myself on being the epitome of calm and rational. I've never had bad mood swings, I've never been super emotional, and I certainly have never felt the way that I'm feeling right now.
When Ryan was born, I decided I was going to set a goal of breast feeding her as long as I possibly could, with my ultimate goal being one year. After struggles with milk production I was put on the supplement Domperidone, and it helped a lot. At Ryan's 9 month check up her pediatrician suggested that I make it to 11 months, give her the milk that I have stored, and then switch her to cow's milk. I agreed, and I'm happy to say that I made it to her 11 month birthday. I was REALLY ready to stop breastfeeding, and I was expecting a little "bittersweetness" about not breastfeeding anymore since it's such a bonding experience. What I WASN'T expecting, though, was the severe hormone imbalance I would experience once I stopped pumping. I've never been a paranoid person, and I'm generally happy most of the time. What happened to me in the days following and even still, is just crazy. This past Saturday while house sitting for some friends, I hit rock bottom. My hormones were completely and totally out of whack. I simply couldn't get myself off of the couch. I completely lost my appetite, my stomach hurt, and I couldn't stop crying, but the worst part was the anxiousness. Have you ever felt like SOMETHING seriously bad was going to happen, but you had no idea what or when, and you just couldn't shake the feeling? That's what I've been living with for about the last week. I couldn't think of anything but crawling in bed, pulling the covers over my head and never coming out. It hasn't been as bad as it was on Saturday, but every once in a while that desperate feeling will sneak up on me and I can't get rid of it. It's horrible!! Apparently when you're breastfeeding your body produces Oxytocin and other "feel good" hormones. When you've been doing it so long and then just stop you kind of "crash."
I really hate to have to take things, especially anti-depressants or anti anxiety meds, so I decided to try "Happy Camper," an herbal supplement that supposed to lift your mood. I've only taken it for two days, but today it didn't seem to do much good. I was anxious most of the day. If this doesn't go away soon it looks like I'll be headed to the doctor. EEEK!
I want to get the word out about Post Weaning Depression because I think it's totally overshadowed and not talked about when compared to Postpartum Depression. As much attention and help I received from the lactation specialists at the hospital, and even after we got home, I can't BELIEVE that no one mentioned that this MIGHT happen when I stopped breastfeeding. I had people asking me non stop after I delivered the baby if I was feeling myself, if I had "baby blues," if I ever thought about hurting myself or the baby.....WHY did no one tell me that I could have such problems after weaning?! RIDICULOUS!!
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