Great news...yesterday was a good day. Ryan and I got out of the house for a while, and I rarely had any anxiety. Interestingly, the only time it got bad was when I was laying in bed last night in the dark and couldn't go to sleep... but even that didn't seem to last too terribly long. When I feel the angst starting to get the best of me I've started making a list out loud of everything I have to be thankful for....a healthy baby, a loving husband, a roof over my head, a nice car to drive, parents nearby, etc. It's interesting that I find myself doing this out of the blue now even when I'm not so down. Have you ever taken the time to actually THINK about or verbalize everything you have to be thankful for? I read a quote the other day that really got me thinking. "How would your life be today if you were only left with what you thanked God for yesterday?" At the moment I read that I thought, "Well, I guess it would just be Ryan and me with no clothes, no food, no house, no car, no husband, no money...."As I racked my brain I realized that she was the only thing I had thanked God for the day before. Gets you thinking huh? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice ALWAYS, pray CONTINUALLY, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." No wonder making that list of things I'm blessed with makes me feel better. When I do that, I'm just following God's will.
On another note, Alan can't believe that I'm blogging and actually getting people to read it. He's amazed by the number of responses I've gotten. One thing about Alan is that he grew up in a family of all boys, so he still just doesn't get females and their emotions and "openness." He said that if he were going through a tough time he couldn't just share all of his feelings to a bunch of people, and if he DID, his buddies CERTAINLY wouldn't reply. I found this funny because the greatest relief I've gotten from this hormonal dive I've been in is hearing from other women who have been in the same boat and telling me that it WILL get better and that I'm NOT going crazy. One day I literally sat and read about a hundred different posts online from women and their experiences with post weaning depression. Just hearing their stories made me feel better than any supplement or pill. I guess that's just the difference between men and women. I even got a call at 6:30 this morning from a close friend telling me about her experience with Postpartum Depression. I hadn't even known she struggled with it, but she told me how she got through it!
By the way, I've found one positive I can glean from this PWD experience, if only temporarily. I had completely lost my appetite for a few days and dropped a few pounds. Yesterday I was able to wear a pair of size 25 jeans that I haven't been in since college. (about 7 years ago!) This made me feel ALMOST as good as reading about the other women's experiences. However, I'm absolutely positive that after the honey-chipotle chicken crispers, cheese fries with ranch, and martini I had last night at Chili's I wouldn't be able to put them on again today. Remind me to air dry them when they get washed so they don't shrink in the dryer!
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